Friday, February 08, 2013


Sometimes things just don't work out.  You make a plan and have this life you envision for yourself and it just never happens.

For us-  We were going to start trying for a baby and be pregnant by January or February of 2012.  I was going to walk through graduation pregnant and then we'd move to Utah and then i'd have a baby and be a mom and have the perfect life.  Well days and months blended together and now i'm on what seems to be a million pills.  Every month I think "this will be the month!  I feel a little different this time!"  And each month i'm disappointed.  Today, my doctor called and said that the pills aren't working and that she has to hash out a new plan.

I wonder how long Shane and I will keep trying.  How many foreign pills should I be putting into my body. Now, we have to make the decision if we would choose in-vitro or adoption.  Sometimes things just don't work out.

What gets me through all of this is knowing that I will someday have a child- no matter what.  Maybe my stomach won't stretch to capacity, or my ankles won't swell up- I can still do Foster care, or be lucky enough to adopt!
I don't write this as a "wo is me" but because I'm sick of crying to Shane about it. I don't know how I got the most patient, loving husband- but I did.  I've felt so guilty because my body is the problem.  My body is the reason we don't have kids- not his.  Not once has he complained or blamed me.  Sheesh- i'm lucky.


  1. I'm sorry... this makes me so sad. :( But you are NOT a failure. I know that when you are parents (and I hope it's really soon!), you'll be the BEST. Love you!

  2. I feel ya. My thoughts exactly, though more eloquently expressed. Hang in there girl! Btw, I don't think I told you I got my lab results back, I'll message you.