Sometimes things just don't work out. You make a plan and have this life you envision for yourself and it just never happens.
For us- We were going to start trying for a baby and be pregnant by January or February of 2012. I was going to walk through graduation pregnant and then we'd move to Utah and then i'd have a baby and be a mom and have the perfect life. Well days and months blended together and now i'm on what seems to be a million pills. Every month I think "this will be the month! I feel a little different this time!" And each month i'm disappointed. Today, my doctor called and said that the pills aren't working and that she has to hash out a new plan.
I wonder how long Shane and I will keep trying. How many foreign pills should I be putting into my body. Now, we have to make the decision if we would choose in-vitro or adoption. Sometimes things just don't work out.
What gets me through all of this is knowing that I will someday have a child- no matter what. Maybe my stomach won't stretch to capacity, or my ankles won't swell up- I can still do Foster care, or be lucky enough to adopt!
I don't write this as a "wo is me" but because I'm sick of crying to Shane about it. I don't know how I got the most patient, loving husband- but I did. I've felt so guilty because my body is the problem. My body is the reason we don't have kids- not his. Not once has he complained or blamed me. Sheesh- i'm lucky.
I'm sorry... this makes me so sad. :( But you are NOT a failure. I know that when you are parents (and I hope it's really soon!), you'll be the BEST. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI feel ya. My thoughts exactly, though more eloquently expressed. Hang in there girl! Btw, I don't think I told you I got my lab results back, I'll message you.
ReplyDeleteKC... I love you.
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