Wednesday, May 01, 2013

heart.break.


My heart hurts.  I'm not sure why I'm so sad- but the shots didn't work.  It's not like I thought 100% that they would but I guess there was always a part of me that thought it would.  My body would play tricks on me, my period didn't come and I did everything right!  Why?Why?Why?  To watch Shane be so sad and upset by it almost set me over the edge.  He is going to be the best dad someday.  I sometimes feel like he's getting the short end of the stick- i'm the one with the fertility issues.  He is so patient and kind- he just gets me.  He calms me down, he holds me and he assures me that one way or another we will be parents.  I just don't want to disappoint him.  

So, we are going to try again.  I'll take three different pills that will make me extremely irritable and tired and just hope that it works!  I'll double up on the shots and go to bed at 7pm.   

Here's the deal- i get to throw myself a pity party for a good 24-48 hours.  I'm allowed to be sad.  Don't say that my expectations are too high, or it took you a long time to get pregnant too.  Yeah, that's nice and all but how about, "Geez that sucks it didn't work!  Go get a bowl of ice cream and watch reality TV."  That's all I want to hear for a good two days until I pull myself together.  The thing is, there are people worse off than me, I get that, but I still get to be sad.

I've got eggs in there- now I just need them to cooperate.

Thank you for your happy/fertile vibes and words of encouragement.  I really do appreciate it... I just want to wallow for a little while.  So excuse me while I go eat my weight and feelings in Chick-Fil-A.

3 comments:

  1. I think you have every right to mourn for the child that could've been. Eat your ice cream, KC!

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  2. :( Of course you should wallow a while! I got teary just reading this... It really sucks and I am really sorry.

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    ReplyDelete