poppy loves the baby.

I've always heard that animals can sense when you are sick, pregnant... or if something else is up.  Poppy is defiantly on top of things.  She knew I was pregnant right away.  She has to see me at all times, she enjoys sleeping on my tummy or very close to me and when I have bad days she doesn't mind sleeping all day with me!
When I was on bed rest, Poppy was on bed rest.  I don't mean to sound like an obsessive dog person... but they really are the best!

just some of the MANY times poppy has decided to watch over me.

how poppy is preparing me to be a mother.

When we got a puppy I was trying to fill some sort of void in my life.  I felt that Shane and I had all this love to give, but no baby to give it to.  We swore we wouldn't become those "crazy dog people".  We swore we would never let her sleep with us.  We wouldn't let her up on the couch and so on.  Here's the thing- she gave me one look with her puppy eyes and I was completely taken over.  She owns the house!  She takes up a lot of the bed and steals the covers.  We sometimes find that we have been playing with her for the past three hours.  She is just the best!
I know that she isn't my child, and that she isn't my offspring, but I love taking care of her.  She's made me more patient and given me a glimpse at what it's like to have something to take care of.  I just love her!

waiting....

oh my mercy, I'm so sick of waiting and being patient.  When I was taking my shots the days would move by so fast.  I would have three doctors appointment in a week- so I always had something to look forward to. I got my trans-vag ultrasound and lo and behold!!!!!!!  I HAD 2 FOLLICLES!   These follicles were beautiful.  There is something amazing while I'm looking at the ultra sound screen at what could potentially turn into a fetus and then into my child that I will hold in my arms.  But these follicles people- they were massive and they were just waiting to be ready to give me a baby!

With all those massive follicles we did our trigger shot, it's a pretty little glass vial that makes my eggs drop.  It gave me a welt this time, but it went down don't worry!  Whoever said having a baby was glamorous was surely mistaken!  (sorry this pic is nasty)

After this glorious day the doctor called and together we scheduled the days that Shaner and I got to have intercourse.  I use the word "got" because when you say you HHHAVVVEE to it isn't as romantic- (but let's be honest, it's not very romantic anyways since we have to plan it...).

A few days after this I went and got my blood work done to see if I ovulated.  Because that's the problem you see- i've never ovulated a day in my life... my LIFE!  And then, at 12:54pm my doctor calls and she sounds happy which makes me super giddy because I know it's good news.  I OVULATED!  Could it be true?  Could this actually work?  The doc said she wanted my progesterone level to be anywhere above a 2.5 and I was at a 29...a 29!!!!!!  I knew I had ovulated because I could feel it.  I was cramping and they weren't menstrual cramps (believe me- I know all about those types of cramps.. stupid PCOS).  But hearing that glorious number 29 and then picturing my two massive follicles- I was/am in heaven.

This is how my doctor ended the phone call: "Well my dear, either call me with a positive pregnancy test or call me when you get your period."

A pregnancy test??  I haven't taken one in ages.  I took a lot of pregnancy tests when Shane and I were first trying but it was because my period has a mind of it's own and I would realize that aunt flo hadn't been in for a visit in about three months... but alas, they were all negative!  But this time, I could actually take a test and it could potentially be positive!

She told me to wait a little while to test, but waiting is the worst part.  My problem?- sometimes my period won't come for 4 months!  So she gave me a specific day to test and it's still not for a little while... so I bought some cheapies and did a few tests early....

NEGATIVE!  BIG FAT NEGATIVES!

Haven't you ever heard those stories when women say they got a positive test three days after conception?! Why couldn't that be me?!  This is actually my own fault. My doctor told me not to take a test until a certain date and then a few days after that.  

Through all of this Shane is mr. calm, which is why we are the perfect balance.  He's the most patient person I've ever met and he just tells me to wait.  So now, i'll just wait.  Luckily, I know this will work someday soon.  So yes, I will be a little bummed if I'm not pregnant this time but we have found the right recipe to get my body a baby- that's something to celebrate!

drowsy and crazy.

I could sleep all day everyday.  These drugs are kicking my trash.  Also, if you have never ever ovulated before, and then all of the sudden the medicine you are taking is making you ovulate... it HURTS!  My ovaries are also kicking my trash.
I know, I know, waaaa whaaaaa whaaaa, i'm such a whiner, but for reals, i'm in a sleepy pain over here.
Can I also give a little lovey shout out to the man below?  The poor guy has to give me a shot every other day.  He mixes up the concoction and then pokes me.  I wince and whine because it feels like a really bad bee sting for about five minutes, but he never complains.
Lately, I've been finding myself apologizing for having a messed up reproductive system.  I mean, he could have very well married someone else and had a few babies by now.  I feel bad, like i'm not giving him a chance to be a father.  Of course, he dismisses everything I'm saying and asks me to be happy.  Isn't it sad how your mind messes with you when you're down?  It's bad enough that I can't get pregnant, but I literally think about how I'm somehow holding Shane back from being a dad.  I know Shaner would never think like that (because he's the most supportive guy ever), but it's always in the back of my mind.  Dear drugs, please make me happy and give me a fetus.  Or, if I'm not supposed to have my own babies please still make me happy and be at peace.  thanks.

Also, Pops doesn't mind my daily naps- in-fact she loves joining me!

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infertile myrtle updates

So this morning at 9am I went to the hospital to have a trans-vaginal ultrasound follicle study.  It sounds a lot scarier than it is.  All we wanted to do was see if anything is happening in there while i'm taking these injections!  I was so nervous because I didn't know what to expect.  I wanted something to happen but then at the same time I didn't' want something to happen.  If I overstimulated then my injection days were over and then my only option would be in vitro- which is super expensive so we'd have to wait a little while.  And if nothing happened then I could always up my dose.  BUT I just wanted it to work this time!

So I went in and anxiously awaited the phone call from my doctor.  They had to take the ultrasound images and look at it to assess what they saw.  I got a call that there was a happy, active follicle!  I was so happy!  I've never ovulated so actually having someone tell me that there is a follicle that could be a potential baby made me so happy!  My doc wants to see a few more follicles so... that means more injections tonight and on Wednesday.  I have to remember, just because i have a follicle doesn't mean that it for sure will turn into a fetus, but we're a lot farther than we were before!

On Thursday i'll go in for another follicle study and then we'll see what will happen!

In other news, we went to Rexburg this weekend to see our good friend graduate!  Shane got a haircut and Poppy made a friend- Bauer Woodhouse!

 My nieces are the cutest... and this is what our babies are going to look like....  ?!W#$^%^

let the injections begin!

Today I had my very first injection.  I was so nervous- but it went great!  It stung a little bit and it made me a little sleepy... but if that's the only price I have to pay to have a baby- bring.it.on.

Shane gave me my shot and I was glad he was so willing to do so.  (I psych myself out).  

I have/get to take injections again on Thursday and Saturday, keep those fertile, happy vibes coming my way!  Can i just say how grateful I am for modern day medication.  It took my grandma 7 years to have her first baby- she just thought she would never have kids, and they had no way to tell her what was wrong.  Even though my thyroid is whacked and I have PCOS and I don't ovulate and my period is the worst- at least I know the problem so I can figure it out!

My sweet little sister was able to spend a few days at my house before she leaves for her mission!  I can't believe both of my sisters will be on missions- CRAZY!  Rissa leaves in a week to go to the Guatemala MTC and then onto Honduras to spread the glorious gospel of Christ.  What a gal!

Let's talk about how cute my puppy is.  She makes infertility just a little bit better.

bozeman

Last week I made my way up to Bozeman to visit my in-laws and to go to the doctor.  I had a really good time and I loved having a little vacation!  Shane wasn't going to come up because he had to work- hate being a grown up!  I had a fertility appointment on Thursday and I was really nervous.  They had to do a tube test and I heard it was really uncomfortable and that it hurts.  Shane was really bummed that he couldn't be there.  On Wednesday night I was watching a movie with his parents and all of the sudden Shane walked in the door at 11pm!  He had driven right after work from Utah all the way to Bozeman.  What a perfect husband!  I was so happy to see him and so happy that he was able to come to my fertility appointment with me!

Fertility Appointment:
I arrived at the hospital at 9 am to get my tubes checked.  The procedure was only about 30 minutes but I was so nervous.  I think I was nervous because of all the horror stories i've heard AND I was afraid of bad news.  If my tubes were blocked it could mean surgery OR automatically mean no babies!  I didn't want bad news: I just want to be a MOM!  Nonetheless, the appointment went great!  My tubes are clear.  Shane was so curious looking at the ultrasound and asking so many questions.  He was literally mesmerized- it was adorable to watch.  It made me so excited to have a baby because I know he will be right there with me and actually be enthusiastic about it!

So, the next step....
I am on a bunch of different medications and now I'll start doing injections in my stomach next week!  I'm crossing my fingers that it will work- but at the same time I don't want to get my hopes up!  So send happy, fertile vibes my way for the next few weeks!

We also got to celebrate Shane's 27th birthday!  Can we please marvel at how adorable he was as a little baby?  I'm so grateful for my hardworking, loving husband!  Thank you for being born!

Jackson had to take a little potty break on the way home... I think this picture is hilarious since he LOVES peeing outside.  We also got to hang out with Chelsy and the kids.  They LOVED Poppy and had so much fun chasing her around.

Larry loved Poppy!- Rueben didn't love her very much, but they'll be friends someday.

Another one of Shane as a baby- dying!!

Shane and I hiked Pete's hill with the pups and his mom.   It was so nice out and Poppy loved interacting and socializing with the other dogs- even though she was super scared! 

happy easter.

love- Shane, KC and Poppy

waiting...

Sometimes waiting is the hardest part.  I have an appointment in Bozeman, Montana on the 28th of this month and i'm dying to get in there and get some new results or hash out a new plan!  So right now i'm waiting, waiting, waiting!  When I go in on the 28th we are doing an invasive tube check.  I am super nervous about this because if something's wrong- it might not be fixable OR it would mean intense surgery.  I hope and pray that if anything is wrong it's something little that we can clear up right away at the office visit.  The plan is- if everything goes well with this tube check i'll be taught how to give myself shots.  My doc said that this WILL work and it will get me pregnant- the only problem?- overstimulation... "John and Kate + 8" ring a bell?  What happens with these shots as far as I know....  I give them to myself in the stomach for about two weeks.  I'll then go get an ultrasound to see how many follicles have formed; each follicle is a potential baby!  After we see how many follicles have formed then we will know if Shane and I can proceed to "fertilize" the egg... let's be honest- Then we will get the red light to have sex and make a freakin baby!!!

So what could go wrong?
Since i've never ovulated before... in my entire life... (even with clomid which is supposed to make you ovulate like crazy) something called overstimulation could happen.  This is what happened to John and Kate +8.  For example, after i do my shots, I'll go to my ultra sound and see that there are 13 healthy follicles.... that means that potentially, all 13 of those follicles could turn into babies!  If this happens- Shane and I sleep in separate rooms (or just don't have sex) for two weeks.  I've already told my doctor that i'm not okay "scraping" a few eggs off after their fertilized... to me that's borderline abortion and I'm not okay that.  Many women do that when their over-stimilated.  I wish they could go scrape extra follicles before they're fertilized- but they can't!  BAH!
So, my doctor told me that Shane and I need to make a decision together as to how many follicles is too many?  I mean, if there are 5 follicles during my ultra sound- it doesn't mean that ALL five will take, but it could!  Can you imagine me with 5 little embryos in my tummy?!

All I want is a healthy child to call my own.  I'm excited for my appointment because it will give me answers and a plan.  If my tubes are bad then i'll go a different route.  And guess what- in the end i'll have a child at some point in my life.  Whether I adopt or whether I do invitro- i'm going to be a mom.

In other news- we got a puppy, and she's a good distraction from infertility- look at that face!